How I Met Your Mother: Who Does Barney Marry?
by Sammielee817
Summary: This story is in the process of being re-written... I owe it to those who like it to rework it.
1. Prologue

How I Met Your Father

_Prologue: Meeting Your Father_

"So kids, now we've mad it near full circle—" Ted began, but was cut off by his children.

"You finally meet mom!" His two kids, Kasey and Aiden, exclaimed.

"No, not yet." Ted corrected, to which Kasey sighed while Aiden shoved a pillow in his face in exasperation. "But, soon! This story is nearly the whole reason why I met her."

His kids seemed content enough with this statement to continue listening. "Now, I'm going to tell you the story of how Uncle Barney met Aunt—"

Barney barged through the door—like he always did and always had—with his wife at his side.

"Hey, Ted, don't you think it best if _we_ tell the story?" she said, "It is _our_ story, after all."

"Yeah!" Kasey rejoiced, and Aiden nodded in agreement. They both loved their aunt and uncle, and frankly were tired of their father's way of telling.

"Hmm…" Ted thought, taking his children's reaction into consideration.

"Please, please, please, please, _please!_" They begged, throwing their hands together in a prayer-like fashion.

He gave in, "well, alright…"

"Yes!" The two high fived, to Barney's appreciation.

"Nice!" He gave them each a high five of his own. His wife and Ted both enjoyed this display, she watched Barney and laughed at his exclamation.

"_Awesome_ high-five skills, guys. They learned that from _me_." Barney gloated.

Barney sat down next to Ted and patted the spot next to him, beckoning his wife over. She kissed him, and sat down.

Then began, "It all started with a favor on a Friday night…"


	2. Shot Down

_Chapter 1: Shot Down Abruptly_

__It was Firday night, Lily and Marshall were sitting on one side of their infamous table at MacLauren's while Ted and Robin occupied the other side. Barney was on his way back with a half glass of scotch, like he always did. He and Ted were scoping out girls when Ted shouted.

"Wow, guys! Check out that hot girl over there!" Ted exclaimed as he and all of the other guys turned to look. Marshall received a jab to the ribs from his wife for his drooling display.

He smiled guiltily at her and said "Sorry, old habits" and shrugged.

Barney and Ted continued to stare, both being the only two singles in their group.

Ted turned back around and shot a thumbs up to Marshall, Barney walked back to the table slowly, put his drink down, and his eyes stayed up and starring at the girl as he sat down. He didn't tear his eyes away for a second.

"Guys…" he began, his eyes still focused for the longest time they've ever been when looking at someone.

"What, Barney?" Robin as she entered the group of friends and sat down.

"Guys… that girl-I can't keep my eyes off her face." He finally looked at his friends, and titled his head to the side.

"That is your worst nickname for boobs yet." Ted mocked as he rolled his eyes accordingly.

"No, I _really_ mean her face." Barney continued.

"Wait, wait, wait… guys, what if he's truly being sincere?" Lily asked, in awe that this was possible for her arrogant friend.

"Those Emerald green eyes, rosy cheeks, chocolate brown hair…"

Everyone stared at him for further variation to Lily's question, he just stared and made them wait. He watched her with a fascination, then turned back to his friends.

"Anyone have a condo-"

"Eww!" Everyone chord in disgust, interrupting him.

"Okay, Barney, that earned you time in the corner chair." Lily said, pointing to the only spot in the bar that was always empty, a corner chair that was now and always vacant.

"Aw, c'mon guys!" Barney cried, then slumped over to the chair of which he hated so much, "But when time is up, I'm going for it!"

"Five more minutes!" Robin yelled across the room, Barney groaned as he sat himself down.

Barney wasn't the only one with a plan, the girl he had been staring at was right in the middle of a bet when she had caught his eye. Her best friend-and one of Barney's ex-lovers-had wanted revenge for him sneaking out on her and never calling, and the green-eyed girl had owed her a big favor.

"Delilah, do I have to do this?" She moaned, she hated secrecy and bets. Especially this one.

"You promised!" Her friend, who was tanned, blonde, and had been used by Barney, pleaded. "_Please, please, please!"_

She entwined her fingers together in a prayer-like fashion. The girl thought for a moment, considering all of the things her friend had done for her, and the plain fact that they were best friends. She could do this, couldn't she? "You know, if I keep doing this stuff one of them is going to kill me one day."

"Yes!" He friend hugged her and then jetted off to watch her choreographed vengeance play out. Just as she left, Barney sprinted towards his friends, called "Times up!" and then sauntered towards her.

He winked flirtatiously, he took out an egg for his trick. "Do you like magic tric-"

She cut him off, the sooner this was over the better. She lunged at him, smacking her lips against his. He placed the egg in his coat pocket and kissed her. He thought he'd won, but in truth she was winning. She pulled away from him slightly, and leaned back in towards his ear.

"You want to go back to my place, right?" She placed her cheek next to his as she whispered, setting up his perfect scene-a hot girl ready to go with no strings attached. She kissed his jawline, just below his ear.

"And you think you're the "King of Flings," don't you?" She cooed again, then kissed his neck. "Well, I'm nobody's peasant."

She pulled away and glared as she pointed a finger at him accusingly, "You think you can get any hot girl you wan with a couple of cheesy pick-up lines, don't you?"

"I-uh-" He tried, but her finger poked at his chest just as furiously as her voice was.

"You also think that every hot girl must be some bimbo with no brains, but here's a news flash for you! With that thinking you're going to end up alone thinking you still got game while all of your friends are happily married. But, you'll be stuborn and keep telling yourself how "awesome" or "legendary" your life is, but inside you'll be hating yourself for not treating at least _one _girl right!" She had backed Barney all the way into the corner where she pushed him back down onto the chair where he had started from. She gave him an evilly crooked smile, and walked off. Her friend cu=aught up with her on her way through the door and begged for all the details. Barney, however, was frozen.

"I've never seen Barney be turned down like that befo-no, I'v never seen him be turned down at _all_." Ted stared after the girl in awe of how she did it, "I like her."

"I hope Barney is okay." Lily uttered with concern soaking he voice, "I know he can be… but still he does look like he's in a bit of shock…"

They all turned towards where Barney sat, he had wore shock on his face for all of two minutes until it came to him. He smiled, straightened his tie-like always-and stood. His friends groaned at this display, hoping for something more touching, for they knew that look all too well. He grinned, and made swore that this challenge would be his most successful ever. He walked towards his friends.

"Barney…" Marshal began cautiously, "What are you going to do?"

"One of two things…one: well, let's just say it'll be legen-wait for it…"

"Dary!" THey all yelled, waiting for him to get to the point, he glowered at them of stealing his phrase.

"Forget it now," He crossed his arms stubbornly.

"What's number two?" Robin asked impatiently.

"Challenge accepted."


	3. Try and Try Again Then Try Some More

_Chapter 2: Try, Try, and Try Again… Then Try Some More._

Barney walked into the bar wearing a pilot's outfit and sunglasses, which caught the attention of may people. But his friends, and the girl, did not, however, notice.

"What's the plan this time, Barney?" Robin asked without much interest, it was becoming routine for her. She was always bored by his constant need to finish this "challenge" that he'd set up for himself, and it annoyed her and everyone else.

"Playbook method number four-one-one." He stated proudly, "And I'm sure it'll work."

"Yeah, just like the other two did, right?" Ted mocked.

"I don't remember a four hundred and eleventh one. I thought it only went up to four hundred and ten?" Lily asked.

"It's a secret one in the original Playbook," Barney stated, peaking everyone's interest for the first time in the last week. "Ever since _Lily_ threw the last one out because I played a trick-"

"Yeah, the one you used to get trick _us_ into helping you get a girl." Lily spat.

"-Anyways, it's totally going to work this time!" Barney exclaimed.

"So you really think it'll work?" Marshal asked.

"I'm sure of it." Barney reassured everyone, Lily rolled her eyes and groaned. She was really hoping that it wouldn't work, she was enjoying watching Barney get turned down for once. Maybe it'd straighten the guy out, but so far it wasn't helping a bit. If anything it was making things worse.

Barney sat down and waited, he would have her come to him.

"I'll be right back, guys. I'm going to the bathroom." Lily stated plainly, everyone naturally nodded-not caring to much about her bathroom habits, but the should've this time. Lily walked nonchalantly until she was out of sight to her friends, then she sprinted toward the "challenge" girl. She approached her and the girl's expression soured.

"No." She spat flatly, "I don't care what he says, just tell him I sat 'no."

"No," Lily began, but was cut off.

"Not to me! To him!" She jabbed a finger in his general direction.

"I meant 'no' as in that's not what I'm here for." Lily corrected.

"Oh, then what for?"

"I want to warn you about Barney."

"It's a little late for that." She sneered, then sighed. "Go ahead, lemme know what's up."

Lily admired her for that, firm on her answer but polite enough not to blow someone off. "He's planning some trick and I don't know exactly what the details are but he-"

"Well, hello Lily." Barney walked up behind Lily, surprising her. She jumped slightly.

Both girls crossed their arms and glared, Barney smiled in his mind.

"What?" Barney asked, feigning innocence.

"She knows your plot." Lily snapped, victory in her tone. Barney sighed.

"Why do you _insist_ on these_ idiotic_ plans?" The girl asked as her emerald eyes batted involuntarily. Barney sat down at the nearest vacant table and, as planned, the two women sat on either side of him.

"What is it?" The girl asked as she placed a manicured hand on his shoulder.

Barney sighed again, "It's just…"

Lily pursed her lips, "You can tell us."

"I just do this kind of thing because…" Barney took of this sunglasses as he trailed off, he turned to face the girl. "Because if I don't do this stuff, I'd never land a girl like you."

The girl smiled and lay her head on his shoulder as she patted his back.

"You know I _almost_ believe you." Her smiled faded.

"Hey, Lily?" she asked as she stood from the table, "You ever heard of _The Playbook?"_

Lilly noted once, "Yeah. But, how do you-?"

She heeled up her hand, "My sister found it near some trash and checked it out, and wouldn't you believe there was a pocket hidden on the inside. And can you guess what was in there? An especially complicated pick-up line called 'Girl Like You.'"

Lily's mouth dropped open along with the eavesdropping Ted, Marshal, and Robbin. Lily slapped is arm repeatedly shouting, "You liar! You used us _again_. With the same trick, _again!" _Barney flinched away, and the girl grabbed his drink.

"If you really want to take me out, here are the rules." She mocked, knowing he wouldn't listen and not caring. "Number one, _no_ stupid and crazy pick-up lines, plots, hoodwinks, or bamboozles!"

"I noticed you left out tricks?" Barney flinched away from another away of arms laps from Lily.

_ "Or tricks." _She finished, then began to smile for she knew what would come next would eat away at Barney and possibly get him to leave her alone, "Number two, we don't sleep together on the first date."

"Of course." Barney agreed.

"Or the second."

"Right."

"Or the third."

"Well…"

_ "Or _the forth."

"Just tell me how many dates already!" Barney finally lost his patience.

Her smiled edged to the side in a crooked fashion, "At least seventeen."

Barney groaned.

"But for you…" she held her hand to her chin in thought. Both Barney, Lily, and the eavesdroppers were in shock of this statement. After a moment Barney sighed with relief, happy to be getting some sort of time reduction.

"Since you were trying _so_ hard… to deceive me and trick me into bed with you…" She said this chipperly, Barney had a bad feeling about it. "I'll cut you down by… _thirty_ dates."

Barney's mouth fell open, Lily smiled at the diss. He did deserve it after all.

"Aw, come _on_." Barney groaned, the girl narrowed her eyes and swished the drink in her hand. "Just try and tell me you don't want to."

That was the last straw, she splashed the drink in his face and walked off proudly with her hand on her hip.

Lily took Barney back to the table and handed him a napkin. He cleaned his face and then directed his attention to read, who was falling to hold back a laugh.

"What!" An exasperated Barney snapped.

"Nothing." Ted lied, then continued. "It's just-" he held back another chuckle. "-Barney you couldn't worsen your chances with her, the only thing that could is if you tried a pick up using a baby."

Robin glared at Ted who confusedly asked, "What?"

Robin pointed towards Barney, where the lightbulb of his idea was so obvious that you could take it off and screw it into a lamp.

"Alright, I'll do it. I'll take that bet!" Barney smashed his hand down agains that table, revealing a fifty dollar bill when he pulled his hand away.

"No!" Lily and Robin commanded in chorus with each other.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Lily tried to reason, "You heard what she said, no tricks, pick-up lines, plots, hoodwinks, and absolutely _no_ bamboozles."

"But did she say anything about bets or challenges?" Barney countered, out-smarting Lily.

"Well, not exactly but I think it's impli-"

"Then, _challenge accepted!"_ Barney exclaimed.

Lilly opened her mouth to protest, but Marshal taped her shoulder and shook his head. "You're not going to be able to stop him, he has too much of a thick skull. Trust me."

Lily tried once more to protest, but found she had nothing to com back with.

"This is going to be _awesome!"_ Barney sing-songed the word.

Robin and the others rolled their eyes, Lily groaned.


	4. A Little OneOnFour Talk

_Chapter 3: One-On-Four Talks_

It had been four days since the last time Robin, Ted, Lily and Marshal had seen Barney. But, unlike how she used to be, they had seen the "challenge girl" much more than when Barney was here.

"I wonder where Barney's been." Robin wondered aloud, a hint of concern in her voice.

"He mentioned something about the bet before he 'disappeared'" Marshal commented.

"Hey, do you thin he'll _adopt_ a kid, or just _steal_ one just to get with challenge girl?" Ted joked.

"Steal," Marshal added to the joke.

"No he wouldn't do that-well…" Lily thought with sudden concern.

"Well, at least we know challenge girl is fine with his disappearance." Ted changed the subject, "Just look at her. She can't stop herself from smiling if she wanted to."

Ted took in her brilliant starry smile for a moment longer then necessary, and turn back to his friends.

"Well why shouldn't challenge girl be? She's finally getting a break from avoiding tricks and being stalked." Lily sided with challenge girl.

"Do you think her actually _likes_ her? Or just wants to prove he _can_ get any girl he wants?" Robin noticed the possibilities.

Lily thought, then shook her head, "Probably just too stubborn to."

"'Too stubborn to'… what?" a confused Marshal inquired.

"Either or." Lily corrected. "He's either too stubborn to admit he likes her, or too stubborn to quit this stupid challenge."

"He doesn't even know her name, and he might be falling for her? Long-shot much?" Robin commented.

"Well, none of us know her name." Ted added, interest in his voice. "We never bothered to ask, so I guess neither did Barney."

"Does he even know the name of _half _the people he slept with?" Marshal asked.

All four of them shook their heads and then turned to the girl.

"Should we ask her over?" Robin asked.

"I dunno…" Marshal thought. "If Barney really likes her he'll be-"

"Pissed off that we did it when he wasn't here." Ted finished.

"But, it's the best time to do it, too." Lily interjected into the conversation.

The thought for a moment in various poses, Ted with his hand on his chin, Robin with her fingers on her temples, Lily gazing off into space, and Marshal taking a slow sip of his drink.

"Let's do it." The chorused.

"Ted, you go." Lily shooed him.

"Why me?" Ted protested, suspiciously too soon.

"You're the only single guy here." Lily urged, shooing him once more.

"Okay, fine." He gave in and stood from the booth. He walked over towards the girl, who immediately noticed him. She sent a starry smile in his direction, and Ted gave her a weak one in return.

"Hey." He said, feigning courage.

"Hi." He was faced with another smile. She looked him up and down and frowned, "You one of Barney's friends?"

"N-no! Well, yes… but that's not why I'm here…" He stumbled, and she giggled. He closed his yes regretfully and tilted his head down, she tapped his chin, clicking him back to face her.

"Your sweet." She flattered, "So, what's up?"

"Uh, we were just wondering if you wanted to going us?" Ted gestured to his friends and they all waved at her.

"Okay, sure." She agreed, and followed Ted back to the table. Ted sat down first, next to Robin, and she sat down on the other side of him. She observed Robin, Marshal, Lily-who she thanked once more for the previous warning-and then scanned over Ted again.

"I think you're Lily, right?" She correctly pointed towards Lily.

"Yeah, how'd ya' know?" She asked.

"I heard Barney say it the other day, when you warned me. Excuse me for this, but I don't know the rest of your names?" she asked, taking up the subject of interest.

"I'm Ted."

"I'm Robin."

"And I'm Marshal."

"Nice to meet you all." She smiled, enjoying her time. "So, what do you guys do for a living?"

"Oh, well I teach and my Marshmellow here is a lawyer." Lily answered, calling Marshal her pet name for him.

"Aw, marshmellow, that's cute." She mused.

"And I'm a reporter and Ted, here, is an architect." Robin answered for the rest of the group.

"An architect? Really?" She asked, her eyelashes batting at Ted in a plea for more information.

"Yeah." Ted smiled crookedly, "I, umm, actually had one of my designs built not to long ago."

"That's so cool!" She was bewildered by the fact that he actually designed his own building, "I've never met an architect before."

"Now you have." Ted responded, saying his first smooth line all night. Robin elbowed him.

"So, uh… what do you do for a living?" Lily asked politely.

"Oh, actually I'm still in college." She scratched the back of her head embarrassedly, "I… I'm only twenty-one."

Marshal nearly spit out his drink, Lily gaped, and Robin pictured the arrogant smile Barney would wear had he found out.

"Really?" Ted asked, not believing for she looked and acted much more mature for her age, especially with the non-naivety with Barney's ways.

"Is it really that shocking? My sister and I are only six years apart…" They continued to gape, "Well, how old are you guys?"

"Twenty-eight." Lily claimed.

"Thirty." Marshal owned up to the statement proudly.

"Twenty-six." Robin announced.

"Twenty-seven." Ted nodded.

"Wow…" She said, "You guys don't look a day over twenty-four."

They appreciated the comment and showed so by smiling in turn.

"So, we were wondering…" Lily began nosily after a moment of silence.

"Yeah?" The girl asked, and Lily realized that they had once again neglected to ask her name, but she had something more important to ask.

"What _exactly_ is you're impression-"

"Of Barney?" She finished with a smirk. Lily nodded, "Well… he-he's definitely cute. He'd be a whole lot better if he would just stop with the womanizing, don't you guys ever get tired of that?"

All four friends looked at each other and laughed.

"Yeah, but, you get used to it." Robin joked.

"You know, he isn't _so_ bad all the time." Lily added.

"For real?" She asked.

"He married us." Lily continued, hugging her husband close to her and smiling at him lovingly.

The girl let a slight smile escape onto her lips, creating the barley visible trace of a kind smirk. "That is kinda sweet."

Just then, Lily lost concentration on her husband and it was refocused near the doorway. Marshal followed her gaze first, and his reaction matched hers exactly. Robin and Ted followed this example, ending with the same result. "Challenge girl" decided to follow this example, and her fear of a similar reaction came to life as she turned to a shocking view.

Barney Stinson… holding a baby


	5. Getting Babes with Babies

_Chapter 4: Landing Babes with Babes_

He sat down at a corner booth away from his friends, most people didn't see the oddness that was Barney with a baby. But "challenge girl" and his friends were immediately suspicious. She considered the possibilities of why he would be holding a baby, the first one? He was using it-or she, considering it was in pink and purple clothing-to pick up girls. But, she threw that idea away for Barney hadn't walked over to her and wasn't looking for her, he just held the baby and tickled under it's chin. She smiled for a bread second at the sight, like most others who saw an adorable display would, but stopped herself. She knew Barney's type, and from what his friends have said, she believed with all of her heart that he was up to something suspicious.

"He did it…" Mumbled Ted under his breath, unnoticeable to "challenge girl."

"He _actually_ did it…" Marshal muttered similarly to Ted.

"Why does he have a baby?" "challenge girl" asked.

"Uh…" Marshal fumbled.

"I have no idea." Ted muttered, hinting to Marshal for them to let this play out as it was meant to. Marshall nodded.

"No idea." Marshal agreed.

"Challenge girl" thought for a moment, then decided to say: "To go and ask, or not to ask… those are my options…"

Ted smiled at the play-on-words.

"I think that you should go." Robin encouraged, "It's probably the only way we're going to get any answers."

The girl nodded slowly, as if accepting an unfortunate fate. "I'll go."

Lily bit her lip in concern, she didn't want to have to see this girl go down like this. She was to respectable, and deserved better that a playbook trick. Which is probably what this was.

She sucked in a big breath, "Here I go." and she did go, she stood reluctantly and headed for the table at which Barney and the baby sat. He didn't even look up at her, he just bounced the baby on his lap.

"Hi." She finally gained his attention. He looked up and gave her the first sincere-looking smile she'd ever gotten form him, she took it with grateful suspicion. "Hey." He smiled crookedly, she sat next to him. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and questioning.

"Why, uhm, do you have a baby?" She asked, trying her best to be polite.

He frowned slightly, a sadness growing his tone. "It's my brother, he is a recovering alcoholic and my mother is sick so I am going to take care of her."

Her expression backtracked all the way to first seeing him, the look of shock, suspicion, curiosity, and a tad bit of hope. "I'm so sorry…"

"It's fine." He took one hand off of the baby to shoo the regret away. She sat down next to him, "It doesn't bother me. It's just life, you know."

At these words, she felt guilty. So _this_ was the reason he couldn't keep a stable relationship, he had troubles in other parts of is life. She sighed regretfully.

"What?" he asked, the sudden sincerity not receding from his tone.

"It's just…" She trailed off not wanting to finish, she did anyway. "I think I might've… possibly… misjudged you."

He smiled, sending her the message that it was okay. She smiled back as _his_ face suddenly became the guilty one.

"What?" She asked, just as he had her.

"I never asked you what your name is." He admitted.

"You really want to know, for real this time?" She asked, just checking.

"Of course I do." The sincerity just kept coming, she slowly began loosing her suspicion-though trying her hardest to keep a firm grip upon it.

"Daphnee. Daphnee Elizabeth Sascina." She flashed her starry-night smile at him for just a second. The baby began to cry slightly, Barney pulled out a bottle for it and nearly the entire place awed accordingly as he fed her until sleep. Daphnee included.

"Hey, Barney?" She asked, her caution and suspicion fleeting in the heat of the adorable display and curiosity filling in the empty spaces. "You want to…I can't _believe_ I'm saying this… you want to hang out sometime?"

Barney's old smug smile crept up on him, but he held it back. _Stay in character, stay in character… _he repeated in his mind as he momentarily got lost in the twinkling eyes and starry smile of Daphnee, he regained his grip on himself and his plan.

"Sounds great to me!" He urged, "Tomorrow? Eight? I'll meet you here?"

She tried to focus on his words as they all sped out quickly, she agreed once her brain caught up a second later. "Sou… sounds good."

The baby rustled in Barney's arms slightly, Daphnee smiled. "You'd better get her home, getting late you know."

"Yeah, I'll be leaving in a minute. I just gotta tell my friends something." Barney answered, she noted the tone of hidden meaning in his voice.

"So, uh, I guess I'll see you tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow." Barney repeated. She walked out, mumbling to herself about 'what just happened?'

Barney rushed over to his friends and exclaimed in victory, "I. Am. _Awesome!"_

Marshal and Ted gaped openly, "You did it…?"

"He did it." Ted nodded in disbelief.

"I did it." Barney nodded in gloating.

"_What _did he do?" Lily asked.

"I just used a baby and a bet to get her to go on t on a date with me… _finally!" _He raised his hands in victory, "Because I am legen… wait for it… _dary!"_

Lily's faced fumed with anger, and Barney ducked behind the table. "That's funny… I thought we said _no. plots. what soever!_"

"Yeah but this was a bet." Barney countered from under the table, and to his relief her anger was redirected at Ted and Marshal.

''That's what he did, isn't it? He completed the bet _you two_-" she stabbed a finger in their directions, "-set up for him!"

"Yeah, and you guys still owe me fifty bucks…" Barney complained.

Lily roared in anger, and then slumped in her chair. Barney, after a minute or two longer, felt safe enough to return from under the table. He didn't speak much after that, he just focused on the second challenge he had accepted.

How to get Daphnee to sleep with him on a first date.


	6. The Yips

_Chapter 6: The Yips?_

It was one day later, and Barney paced near the table nervously. He had planned his usual evening-fancy restaurant, white roses, and his best suit with a red bow tie. He was constantly reconsidering the bow tie. He didn't know why he was so nervous, just another girl. Just another date. And, hopefully, another completed challenge. Ted, Marshal, Robin, and Lily had been giggling of his obvious nervousness, to his also obvious annoyance.

"Will you shut the hell up?" Barney snapped. Giggle, giggles. "I mean it, guys!" Giggle. "What is so damn funny?" Giggle, giggle, giggle.

"You just so _obviously _like this girl." Robin said as Barney sat beside her.

"Do not." He _pfft_ed an excessive number of times.

"Oh yeah?" Robin countered, "Try saying her name without smiling."

"Fine then." He agreed, "Daphnee." A smile crept up on his face against his will.

Robin smiled matter-of-factly. Barney held his hand in front of his face. Barney pointed his finger at Robin and said, "No! No. It was because I was thinking of something funny, Duh-aphnee."

He smiled again and then slapped his forehead as all o this friends giggled and chuckled at him. He tried to say it quickly and it made him smile all the bigger, "God! What is _wrong_ with me!"

"I told you, you like her." Robin countered.

"I do no-o…t" He got distracted by something at the door, a specific something. Or some_one_.

It was Daphnee and she was walking into MacLarens wearing a hot pink tank top dress that went down to just above her knee.

"What are you staring at-" Daphnee walked up just then and Marshal found his answer.

"Hey guys." She greeted them cheerfully. The guys gawked, she leaned towards Robin and whispered, "What are they staring at?"

"You." She answered, as if it were obvious. Daphnee moved from side to side and their eyes followed.

"Huh. Never would've thought." She shrugged. Then looked down at Barney, "Are those for me?"

Barney's heart began to beat again as he looked down at the white roses he had in his hand, "Oh, uh, yeah."

He handed her the flowers and she took them appreciatively. "That was really sweet, Barney, how'd you know I like white roses?"

Barney's eyebrows raised up and he couldn't speak, he again went back to the question of what was wrong with him. "I-I just, umm…"

She smiled a little bit and tilted her head slightly "Are you ready to go?"

Barney headed towards the door without a word, Daphnee sat down for a minute. "Is he drunk or something?"

"No, he had one drink." Lily asnwerd.

"Then what's wrong with him?"

"I have no idea."

Ted thought for a moment, "Oh my god. Guys, what if he has the yips?"

"Oh, that's bad." Daphnee thought for a moment, "This is going to be fun."

Everyone laughed at her joke, and she left to pursue Barney for their date.

"You think Barney'll finish the 'challenge?'" Robin asked as she made air quotes.

"He is Barney, after all.'' Marshal said. "We'll have to send someone over to his place tomorrow to find out."

O.o.O.o.O

Daphnee wiped the table again while Barney pinched the bridge of his nose. "It' really not that bad, Barney."

Barney had spilled another drink all over the table, and he didn't remove the pinch from his nose. She gave him a sorry look, as she knew what was happening.

The Yips.

"Barney, I'll be right back, okay?" She said as she stood and left, Barney kept his fingers on his nose. She left for the bathroom, still trying to contemplate how to tell Barney about his yips dilemma. Barney checked over his shoulder to see if she was gone, and then he dialed Ted on his phone.

"Hey, Ted!" Barney asked once his own phone picked up.

"Hi, Barney…" Ted began confused, "Aren't you supposed to be on a date or something?"

"Yeah, but I need you to do me a favor."

"Ugh… okay, what?" Ted groaned.

"Call back in three minutes-oh, she coming back! Got to go!" Barney hung up the phone.

Daphnee walked back towards Barney reluctantly, she'd hate to be the one to ruin their date… further.

"Hey, Barney." She faked a chipper tone.

"Hey, Daphnee…" He said, his tone harder to mask.

"So listen, Barney, I have to tell you something-" She was cut off by Barney's ringtone. He took the phone out of his pocket and looked at it for a brief second.

"Oh, I'm real sorry Daphnee, I need to take this." He flipped his phone open. "Hello?"

There was an inaudible buzzing from the other end, Daphnee strained her ears harder when she saw the expression in Barney's face change.

"Oh my god!" Barney's tone was upset, "Say it ain't so!"

Daphnee questioned the choice of words, but slowly began to realize something false in his sadness. It sounded almost… successful.

"My aunt's been in a car crash." Barney whispered to Daphnee. She spotted another oddity, he didn't cover the bottom of the phone for sake of the person on the other end. They'd hear him clearly.

"Oh, no!" She chimed in, mocking his tone of upset succession.

"It's horrible, I know." Barney continued his charade, unnoticing of his own-and her-false tone. "Okay, I'll be right there."

Barney shut the phone and Daphnee continued her façade of concern.

"Oh, Barney, will she be alright?" She held back a laugh, she felt as though she was in a bad drama movie.

"I don't know." Barney answered, "But, I have to go check on her."

Barney stood and Daphnee did to, she hugged him tightly around the neck. She kissed his cheek and whispered, "That was for the date."

She pulled away abruptly to glare at him. Then she pulled her hand back slapped his other cheek just. "_That_ was for the lies."

Barney rubbed his cheek and cradled the other. How different she could be, Daphne could be as angry as hell when provoked or she could be as sweet as an angel. Barney pondered over this as he felt the pulsing hurt in his red cheek.

He just wanted to get out of there for the sake of their date, wasn't that to be praised for and not, well, slapped? He had the yips! What was he to do, continue spilling drinks all over the place? That was _not_ good for his awesome reputation.

And yet, he felt a sense of regret. He then snapped himself out of it. _It was just the yips, _he thought.

_Just the yips_


	7. Date Or Not, That's The Twin's Question

_Chapter 7__: To Date Or Not To Date, That's The Evil Twin's Question_

Barney slumped down in their group's usual booth. It was several days after the yips incident, and Barney seemed utterly unfazed to the point of using it to his advantage with getting girls.

"Hey, Barney, Robin, Ted." Lily greeted as she and Marshal walked into MacLaren's.

"'Sup, guys?" Marshal called as he sad down.

Barney waved a hand dismissively and Marshal saw that he was scoping out girls.

"Aha!" Barney shouted, making Ted and Robin jump. "Found a hot one!"

Barney stood, straightened his tie, and set off for his fourth one-night-stand. He couldn't see her face for it was angled down towards her drink. He coulndn't even see her face in the mirror though, but from what he could tell she was pretty—beautiful, even.

He placed a hand on her shoulder to gain her attention. She tensed for a moment and then turned.

"Daphnee!"

She smirked to the side, "What now, Barney?"

Barney was still in shock of her being her once again. Wasn't she done with this place? He was always here, after all. And she obviously didn't care for Barney all too much, the slap-mark proved that much. So why _was_ she here?"

"Why are you here?" He asked, spitting out whatever came into his mind.

She shrugged, "Ever since I moved here, I found that Carl makes the best Shirley Temples I know of."

Carl nodded appreciatively in her direction, and she smiled back. Barney pondered over this, and the fact that she'd only been in New York for a few weeks. But that smile, it drove him over the edge and that blurting out everything her thinks thing was coming back to bite him in the butt.

"?" Barney said in a heap without thinking. He sucked in a long breath and held it there as her expression morphed to shock.

"Barney… I—I…" Barney walked, or more so sprinted, towards the bathroom. His friends' heads followed as he did so and he slammed the door with a _bam!_

Lily looked towards Daphnee and mouthed, "What's with him?" Daphnee shrugged in response and mouthed back, "No idea!" She and Lily turned their attention back towards the door for Barney and walked back out. He straightened his crooked tie and watched as Daphnee walked towards him cautiously.

"Uhm, what the hell Barney?" She tried to sound impatient but her tone was tinted with concern.

Barney looked at her, confuzzled. Then his eyes widened with realization, a façade of realization.

"Oh! You mean that thing with my brother, Larney? You see, I'm a twin and my brother, well, he is kind of… _evil_. Really weird guy…"

Daphnee crossed her arms as one eyebrow floated above the other, getting higher and higher with each passing second of her non-verbal question.

"Alright, Barney, what's the deal?" She inquired with rue impatience, "An _'evil twin?'_ Are you kidding? How stupid do you think I am!"

"Barney sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, like she had come to believe he always did when under stress, "I was hoping just enough…"

Daphnee glared, piercing Barney's—adorably soft—baby blue eyes with her daggering emerald ones.

"Why must you do that?" She asked with genuine sincerity overtaking her eyes and driving the spearing daggers away.

"I know… I know!" He groaned, "I was acting like Ted."

"Hey!" Ted shouted, offended, for he resented them referring to a relashionship mess up as being like "Ted."

"Sorry," Barney shrugged and insincere apology.

"Well, Barney," Daphnee began, "Ted moment or not—"

"Hello!" Ted growled once more. Daphnee frowned apologetically, leaned towards him, whispered a earnest apology, and then smiled as he accepted the apology. She turned back towards Barney, with a smile electrifying on her face.

"Alright, Barney, I think you should go tell your twin—"She pointed towards the bathroom door—"that I say _yes_."

Barney gave her a puzzled expression, Daphnee smirked and clicked his chin upward. "Barney, I'm saying I'll go hang out with you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you were sweet when you asked, and I like the sweet you." Daphnee added.

Barney smirked, "Want to go back to my apartment?"

"To… talk, right?" She double checked, making sure he didn't have… other ideas.

He nodded and winked, "Yeah, _'talk.'_"

"No, Barney." She scolded, "Not to _'talk'_ to talk, got it?" Barney pouted like a child and she chuckled again, "Sorry, you know the thirty-date rule."

Barney ceased his false pout and accepted the fact that his challenge'd have to await completion all the longer.

Barney hooked arms with Daphnee, and she didn't reject, the walked out with her—grabbing his coat off the hook and shooting his friends a wink that meant he'd still try for his challenge.

Meanwhile, Ted, Lily, Marshal, and Robin were in shock of the accept an din disgust that Barney would try to violate yet another promise to Daphnee just to get his idiotic challenge finished.

"Holy crap, guys, what if they like each other?" Marshal broke the silence.

"That, or she's drunk." Robin commented, with "most-likely" nods form the group.

"No, really guys!" Marshal protested, but they wouldn't budge towards his idea. So, he shrugged and took another sip of his beer.

O.o.O.o.O

Barney turned the key and opened the door to his apartment—a rarity for it to be just to talk—and held the door open for Daphnee.

She had a disbelieving look on her face direct towards herself and her decision to come back to Barney's _apartment_, but only to talk, thank goodness.

"Would you like some wine?" Barney asked, taking out one of his best bottles and proudly displaying it in front of her. Daphnee didn't drink much, except for the rare chance at vintage—and this was impeccably vintage, expensively so.

"How did you afford this?" She asked as he poured her half a glass of the expensive drink.

"My job pays well." Barney stated as he took a seat next to her on the comfortable black couch.

"What do you do?" She took a small sip of the wine, "Mm… this _is _delicious."

"I know." HE took a larger sip of his own drink.

"So?" Daphnee asked.

"So… what?" A confused Barney repeated.

"What do you do for a living?" Sip.

"Uh… doesn't matter, what do you do?"

"I'm still in college." She swirled the wine in her glass and watched it. Barney smiled broadly but tried to hid it behind his own glass.

"So," He cleared his throat to relinquish the giddy sound from his voice, "how old are you?"

"Twenty-three in six months." She concluded as Barney poured more wine, "And you?"

"Twenty-eight." He winked at her and she returned it with a smirk.

_O.o. An hour and two more glasses of wine later .o.O_

Barney was getting closer to his goal every sip she took.

"Want some more?" He asked and she nodded lazily. She remobed her head from Barney's shoulder and untwined her fingers from holding his hand so he could get the wine from the kitchen, she stretched slowly.

Barney stood and walked to his beautifully large kitchen—the one Daphnee had been admiring ever since she first walked in—and he began to marvel at his "awesomeness."

"Four glasses… four glasses!" He mumbled to himself, "Not even that—they were _half filled_."

He turned around, refilled wine glass in hand, and saw nothing. She wasn't there, disappeared, _gone_.

He looked around everywhere, bathroom, living room, kitchen, and even his suit closet—'cause really, who could resist the suits?—and there was nothing!

"What the…?" Barney let escape his mouth as he kicked a dining room chair, to his own throbbing pain. He wasn't completing this challenge tonight!

Just incase, Barney decided to check the hallway and the lobby of is building—and again, nothing!

Then he realized: Why should he care? Why _did_ he care? He didn't… right?

Barney clicked the elevator button and stepped inside. The music made him all the sleepier and when he finaly got back up to his room, he went to bed—not even bothering to turn off any lights—and his last thought before he conked out was…

_Is that breathing?_


	8. Are You Calling Me A Turtle?

_Chapter 8: Are You Calling Me A Turtle?_

Marshal knocked on Barney's door for the third time. No answer. He knocked once more, still nothing. That last knock, however, Barney's front door opened slightly. But… could he walk in with out permi—Marshal was in the living room before her could finish the thought.

"Barney? Dude, are you up? It's eleven o'clock! You've never slept this lat—" Marshal opened the bedroom door and gasped, he found Daphnee laying next to Barney in his bed. She had one arm across his chest—hugging him—and the toher was just above his head.

Barney, meanwhile, had both hands wrapped around her waist. And from what Marshal could tell, the two's legs were somewhat entangled by their ankles. Cuddling, no doubt.

Marshal gave Barney a imaginary high five in his mind for he had finally completed the challenge he wouldn't shut up about for two months, he also confirmed his friends' belief that she must've been drunk the night before to end up here, in Barney's bed.

Marsh watched for a moment as wind blew in from Barney's open window—set always open so he could sneak out with ease—as it chilled down Daphnee's spine and she frowned at the cold, Barney shivered as well.

Then, to Marshal's surprise, the two cuddled closer towards each other and the faintest trace of a smile for a split second.

"Oh, yeah." Marshal sarcastically started, "No feelings are involved whatsoever!"

He walked back to the front door and closed it lightly, as to not wake them up. Unfortunately he _did_ leave the bedroom door open and a large gust of wind blew in and closed the door with a slam that startled Barney awake.

He blinked until his vision to clear and when it did, Barney nearly screamed.

Several things ran through his mind: _Did we sleep together? Did I finally finish this damn challenge? No—Damn it! She must've crashed in my bed… Oh, God! I have to get out of here!_

He slowly got out of bed, pulling himself away from Daphnee's loose grip. She rolled over and hugged the covers closer, that made Barney remember the window an dhe considered climbing down the fire escape.

He walked towards the window and shut it. He couldn't get stupid Lily's voice repeating the promise or stop the scene from playing…

"_Barney!" Lily screamed at him. It was the night of he and Daphnee's first date, where he'd been slapped._

_ "What!" Barney groaned from Marshal and Lily's armchair._

_ "Why would you lie to her again!" She yelled in his ear, preventing him from hearing the football game of which he'd bet a large some of money on._

_ "I don't know! It worked with the baby thing…" _

_ "Yeah, where did you get that baby from anyways?" Marshal asked, diverting from the original topic._

_ "Well, I talked with this girl I slept with who owns this daycare—"_

_ "Hey, hey, hey!" Lily screamed, thrashing her hands around to get Barney's concentration focused back on him. _

_ "Okay… what?" Barney snapped._

_ Lily scoffed as if it were obvious, "Why the hell did you lie to her again!"_

_ "Like I said, it worked with the baby thing…"_

_ Robin gulped guiltily and Lily bit her lip._

_ "What did you two do?" Barney asked._

_ "Pfft… we didn't tell her to say yes to whatever scheme because you have a crush on her… pffft!" Robin scoffed in her high-pitched-lying-tone. _

_ "Barney's mouth dropped open in shock._

_ Lily walked towards him, "Barney, listen, sleep with her, sleep with her just once, whatever… just don't lie to her about it! She's my friend!"_

_ Barney slumped lower in his chair, "why does this chick come with so many rules?"_

_ Lily pulled Barney off of the chair by his suit collar, _"Promise me, Barney!"

_"Alright, alright! Don't mess up the suit." Lily let go of his collar and Barney brushed off his suit jacket, "I won't lie to her, okay!"_

_ Lily smiled in triumph, "I may however lie _on_ her." Barney mimicked her dominant smile. Lily rolled her eyes in an 'of course' kind of way…_

Barney shook the memory from his mind and tried to close the window—stuck. He tried a little harder—still stuck.

He lifted the window the full length open and then used all of his will power to shut it, and it worked. All too well.

Barney froze in place as Daphnee stirred then sat up in the bed, she yawned and stretched but stopped herself halfway. She looked around the room, confuzzled and unamused.

She followed every detail of the room with that same look. Then her eyes narrowed to sharp, piercing daggers when she finally met his eyes.

"Barney!" She screamed to the point where her voice cracked, Barney cringed at the sound—it hurt his ears. Bad.

Daphnee swung her legs over the edge of the bed and rushed towards the door, Barney suddenly ran after her—but why, he didn't know.

"Daphnee, wait!" He called after her, she turned around abruptly and glared at him.

"Why? Why the hell should I, huh? Give me one good reason, and make it a damn good one at that!" She yelled.

"I—uh—"

"Yeah, that's right!" She yelled, "You know what, Barney? You're an empty shell… You show the world this hard, womanizing shell and when just for a second—just a second—I thought you finally let that damn sensitive side, you did this. You're an empty shell, Barney. And I don't want an empty shell."

Barney thought for a moment, "Are you calling me a turtle?" was his response.

"Ugh!" She groaned, stomping out the door and slamming it behind her.

Barney pinched the bridge of his nose for what felt like the umpteenth time since meeting her, _why the hell was she so complicated! _

Daphnee walked four steps before she found herself leaning against the hallway wall for support. What a _narcissistic_, _egotistical_, blue-blue-eyed… _jerk_!

She looked down and saw three silver droplets fall to the ground and stain the hallway carpet.


End file.
